Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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