ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
