can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
