gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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