i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He has the fingertips of a God
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