I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
