I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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