Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
