you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
