We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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