we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
