Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
