well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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