The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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