Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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