he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
