Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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