Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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