Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
