Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
