How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
