Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
