if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
