Sry I called you an 8
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
