So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
even my farts smell like vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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