Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize