Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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