wrigley field is MILF paradise
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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