What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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