I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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