I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
