we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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