So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
where are you?
Hypothermia
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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