Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
