How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
