Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
