I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
