Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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