I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
home. puking in laundry basket.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
