my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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