well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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