At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
two words: eviction party
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
