all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
