I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
