Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
