I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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