my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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