I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
