And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
