I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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