ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
