Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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