Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
