There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
