you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
