it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
