the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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