Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
