Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
