I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
