Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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