I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
