I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.