i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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