I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.