i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!