The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever