If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize