I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.