i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly