I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
