All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
