Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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