is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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