And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
