im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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