For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
