I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He passed out mid-signature
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
