I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
