Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
