Non-Jews are for practice
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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